


Ersatz - Substitutes

by cutsycat



Series: Dictionary.Com Word of the Day Drabbles [1277]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:36:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19163140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutsycat/pseuds/cutsycat
Summary: Gibbs has been looking for a substitute for Tony for a long time. Then Tony leaves for Paris and his whole world comes crashing down around him. When Tony comes back for Thanksgiving will Gibbs admit his feelings or will he lose Tony for good?





	Ersatz - Substitutes

**Author's Note:**

> Another dictionary.com word of the day drabble. This time from 10/29/2002 for the word [ersatz](http://www.dictionary.com/wordoftheday/2002/10/29/ersatz).
> 
> ersatz[ er-zahts, -sahts, er-zahts, -sahts ]  
> adjective  
> serving as a substitute; synthetic; artificial:  
> an ersatz coffee made from grain.  
> noun  
> an artificial substance or article used to replace something natural or genuine; a substitute.
> 
> This is for prompt #2 of the November 2018 Five Prompts Challenge located [here](https://ncis-discuss.livejournal.com/155743.html).

Gibbs wasn’t picky, really he wasn’t. Pretty, young, green eyed that’s all he wanted, but it was getting harder and harder to find one that was interested in him. Most of them wouldn’t do more than a one night stand and it was frankly disappointing.

He really wanted to find himself under DiNozzo, but he knew that would never happen. Still this life was getting old. Why was it so hard to find someone who would stay?

At least when Tony worked for him he got to see the genuine article every day at work. Now all he had left were these half hearted one night stands. They were definitely a subpar substitute, but what could he do? 

Tony was gone, probably for good. He was pretty sure the team blamed him for Tony leaving. Heck he blamed himself for it too. 

Maybe if he’d pulled Tony closer instead of pushing him away Tony would have stayed. On the other hand, Tony had made a child with Ziva. How could Gibbs hope to compete with that?

When Orli had first announced Tali’s parentage, Gibbs hadn’t believed it, but when Tony hadn’t so much as fought it Gibbs had a hard time believing it wasn’t true. Of course, it had been years since Tony talked to him. Years since they shared a steak or worked on the boat together, so he didn’t really know what Tony thought.

He did know that he missed him and not as his SFA. He missed his laughter. He missed his bravery and loyalty, but most of all he missed his companion.

The one he’d shared some of the most important memories of his life with. He’d shared more with Tony than he ever had with any of his wives, but somehow he’d messed up the relationship with Tony too. He had no idea if Tony would ever be back.

He had a bad feeling that he’d be stuck with these ersatz men that truly were no substitute for the original. He’d like to rail against the world for taking Tony away from him, but he knew deep down he couldn’t. It was no one’s fault, but his that Tony left him.

Heck, Tony hadn’t even known there was anything to leave. Why hadn’t he chased after Tony when he stopped coming over like he did after the pretty green eyed substitutes? Surely Tony was worth as much or more attention than he put into finding one night stands to alleviate his desire for the one he couldn’t have.

It was too late, now, though. Tony was gone. He wasn’t doing himself any favors continuing to chase after substitutes either.

You would think he would have learned that substitutes were never as good as the original after trying to replace Shannon, but somehow it never sunk in that he was doing the same thing with Tony. He just wished he knew why Tony left. Not the BS excuse he’d given the team about Tali and Paris, but the real reason.

The reason that Tony had stopped coming over. The reason that Tony gave up on his dream of leading the MCRT. The reason that they’d stopped talking.

If he could talk to Tony and find that out maybe he’d be able to move on and get out of this rut he found himself in. He really didn’t know, but he’d be pretty damn surprised if talking to Tony made it worse. He wasn’t sure it could get worse and especially not at Tony’s hands.

He should have known better than to tempt fate. Having Fornell show up with DiNozzo on his arm for Thanksgiving because he was a bastard, but he didn’t deserve to be alone hurt far more than he expected it to. It was a double edged sword because he missed Tony like a dying man missed air to breathe, but at the same time seeing Tony happy with someone else felt like someone had taken a hook jabbed it in his stomach and twisted it a couple of times. 

He knew he didn’t have the right to feel this way as he had never told Tony how he felt about him, but it stung. He couldn’t even take advantage of seeing Tony again to ask him how things had gone so wrong. It sucked.

By the time Fornell and Tony left, Gibbs didn’t want to do anything more than to find a place to hide and live alone for the rest of his life. He couldn’t take this kind of pain especially when he knew he had no one to blame but himself. At least, alone he could lick his wounds in private and not have salt rubbed into them unexpectedly by the love of his life dating someone else.

He knew he should hide; that he should save himself from more pain, but he couldn’t leave without one last one night stand with a Tony replacement. He didn’t know if he was fooling the guys he picked up, but he wasn’t fooling himself. He knew exactly what he was doing each time he trawled a bar looking for a pretty young thing with green eyes that reminded him of his Tony.

Only Tony had never been his. Gibbs frowned at that thought. He knew it was true, but he hated to admit it. 

He dressed in his best fuck me pants and shirt. The ones Abbs had helped him pick out that she’d said made him look twenty years younger and headed for his favorite bar. It wasn’t his favorite because it was easy to find Tony look alikes.

No it was his favorite because it was the bar that Tony used to frequent the most. He didn’t think that Tony had ever seen him watching, but he’d seen Tony loads of times at this bar. Sometimes Tony was flirting. 

Other times Tony was just drinking thoughtfully. It didn’t matter to Gibbs. Gibbs loved watching Tony all the same, though, he always wished that he was the one Tony was trying to pick up.

He didn’t see Tony tonight. He hadn’t really expected to. He was pretty sure Tony had gone back to Paris after Thanksgiving.

He didn’t even want to imagine what Fornell might have been getting up to with Tony. There was absolutely no one that was catching his interest. None that fit the profile he was looking for and Gibbs frowned disappointed.

Maybe tonight would be a bust. Or maybe not. He could feel eyes on him, Gibbs glanced around casually trying to see who was looking at him, but he didn’t see anyone.

Gibbs frowned and glanced towards the door as it opened. He couldn’t believe it when a perfect candidate walked in the door. Distracted from the feeling of being watched, Gibbs perused the new candidate trying to figure out how best to approach him.

Unbeknownst to Gibbs, Tony wasn’t as far away as he thought. In fact, he was sitting at a table specifically picked because of how invisible it was. Fornell was sitting next to him.

“You see? He doesn’t want me.” Tony pointed out, doing his best to hide how upset he was. He’d noticed Gibbs picking up guys about 20 years younger before he took off for Paris. He’d hoped that he was wrong about what Gibbs was interested in and so when Fornell had suggested coming with him to Gibbs for Thanksgiving Tony had jumped at the chance.

Gibbs had barely looked at him, however. In fact, he’d seemed pissed that Tony was there. Everyone at NCIS knew that Fornell and Gibbs were friends/rivals, but no one knew that Tony was also friends with Fornell. 

Not even Gibbs had known that. So when Tony had left for Paris with Tali, it had been Fornell who called him up to find out what was really going on. Fornell had been the one to listen to him rant about how Gibbs wasn’t straight, but wasn’t into him either. 

Tony wasn’t a young man anymore and every single person he’d seen Gibbs pick up had been a good twenty years younger than him. It had hurt, especially since he’d been carrying a torch for Gibbs ever since Baltimore. It had been easier when he thought Gibbs didn’t want him because of his gender, but it was a lot harder pill to swallow that Gibbs didn’t want him because of his age.

Fornell hummed, “I think you’re missing the big picture, Tony.”

“Like what?” Tony’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“That guy looks startling similar to you.”

“Then why didn’t Gibbs want to look at me the entire time we were there for Thanksgiving.”

“You didn’t see how Gibbs acted once you left. He’s been a complete bear. That in and of itself is a sign that he missed you.”

Tony waved dismissively. “Missed his SFA more likely. You know how Gibbs is with change.”

“Mm,” Fornell hummed noncommittally. “It was more than that. If it had just been the SFA bit he would have settled down once he got another competent one. He hasn’t.”

Tony snorted in disbelief. 

“I would hazard to say that the guy has been moping the entire time you’ve been gone. I don’t think I’ve seen him smile once.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. He’s always been a bastard.”

Fornell shook his head. “While that’s true, he still smiled some, particularly at Abby. He doesn’t even do that anymore.”

Tony looked contemplative, wondering what had happened there. Abby had always been Gibbs’ favorite. That had been obvious since he joined Gibbs’ team.

“As for Thanksgiving,” Fornell continued, “I’m pretty sure you broke his heart by showing up with me. I had thought that making him think we were dating would have snapped him out of his funk and make him realize that if he wanted you he needed to go after you, but it seems to have only made it worse.” Fornell pointed to where Gibbs had returned to his seat and was now drowning himself in sorrow, apparently his conquest had turned him down.

Tony wanted to believe that Fornell was right, but he’d been hurt too many times by Gibbs and others in the past. Tony paid the bill for Fornell and him and got up to head out. Of course, it was impossible to leave the bar without Gibbs seeing him.

The only reason Gibbs hadn’t seen him originally was because he was already seated when Gibbs arrived. He liked this bar for thinking as the music tended to be more on the mellow and contemplative side instead of pumping fast beats that gave you a headache once you reached your thirties. He’d expected Fornell to follow him out, so he was surprised to hear a seductive purr by his ear.

“Where are you going, handsome?” Gibbs drawled in that deep smooth seductive voice of his that Tony had rarely heard, but turned him on every time he heard it.

Tony turned around to face Gibbs.

“Tony! What are you doing here?”

Tony shrugged. “It’s my favorite bar. Were you hitting on me?”

Gibbs looked away and stormed out of the bar. Tony rolled his eyes and followed after Gibbs.

“What the hell is going on, Gibbs?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Go back to Fornell. He makes you happy, right?”

Tony reached out and grabbed Gibbs’ arm, forcefully turning him around to face him. “Are you jealous?”

“No.” Gibbs growled, “Leave me alone.”

“I don’t think so, Gibbs. You are jealous. Fornell was right.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Tony?”

Tony shook his head. “Not here. Meet you at your place?”

“Fine,” Gibbs snarled.

The ride had given them both sometime to cool down. Tony wasn’t sure if that was good or not. He still wasn’t sure that he was reading this right. “What the hell were you doing there, Gibbs?”

“Drink.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Come on, Gibbs. Don’t pull this mute stuff. Talk to me.”

Gibbs just glared. 

“I saw you, Gibbs. I saw you try to pick up that guy today. I saw you picking up other guys with green eyes all twenty years younger than me before I ever left for Paris.”

“You knew?” Gibbs eyes widened in surprise.

“I did. It was why I left.”

“What? You’re with Fornell why would my picking up men bother you enough for you to leave.”

Tony chuckled, mirthlessly, “I’m not with Fornell. He was just yanking your chain at Thanksgiving.”

Rage blossomed across Gibbs’ face, “I’ll kill him.”

Tony put a calming hand on Gibbs. “I’d wait on that if I were you. He’s the only reason I’m here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was convinced you didn’t want me because I was too old after watching you pick up twink after twink half my age.”

“How does Fornell factor into this?”

“He told me you missed me. Told me you were probably jealous.”

“Wait. He’s been in contact with you while you were gone?” Gibbs snarled.

”Yes, but that’s not the point. Why didn’t you tell me you wanted me?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Gibbs. I’ve been in love with you for forever. I could handle you being straight, but you being into men clearly younger than me. I knew I stood no chance. That’s why I left.”

Gibbs shook his head. “It was always you, Tony. Those men were only replacements for you, since I knew I could never have you.”

“Bastard.” Tony yelled, drawing Gibbs in and kissing him fiercely.

**Author's Note:**

> The dictionary.com series has 6 stories already written for it after this one, so I will be posting at least 6 stories before I stop posting again. I'm hoping to get more stories written before then, so that I don't stop posting for a while. Wish me luck! 
> 
> It's 2019 now and I have closed my 2018 Prompt collection, but fear not my 2019 Prompt Collection is now open [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2019/profile). Just click the sign up link. ;) It will remain open until the beginning of 2020. I'm hoping to complete all the 2019 prompts by the end of 2020. Do not fear I have not forgotten about the 2018 prompts and will continue working through them. It's just easier for me to not get overwhelmed if I keep the prompts separated by the year they were given to me.
> 
> If you are not an ao3 member, you can prompt me [here](http://cutsycat.livejournal.com/50701.html). Please follow the same rules as are listed in the above link. However, because this is a handmade prompt form(that thinks it's a poll), it is considerably more limited than what ao3 provides, so please use the ao3 form if you're an ao3 member. Please note the name option is for a name that I can say this is for so that you know it's for you. Since this is for non ao3 members it won't be true gifts, but you will be mentioned in the notes. Please note if you have already voted in the poll and would like to request more stories you can just add a comment to the poll. Please include the name along with the prompt, so that I can appropriately gift the prompt to you.
> 
> For any authors that want to chat and/or are looking for a place where they can toss plot ideas around and get input from people, you can come join my discord server that is specifically geared towards writing/encouraging people to write and authors. The invite link is [here](https://discord.gg/HFvwpCq). If you're not an author, but want to chat with me about writing/stories or anything else you are welcome to join. I reserve the right to boot you from my server if all you do is pester me about updates, however. *grin* Really anyone who wants to talk about writing and/or plot ideas for various stories is welcome to join. 
> 
> Also, Drakonyashka has translated a couple of my works into Russian. [Tutelage](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378780) and [Imbue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378840). Go support them. 


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